Marriage is a big step in life that so many people enter into too lightly. If fact, many people get married because it’s another in a long line of things that everyone says you are supposed to do. One should not enter into something as serious as marriage because of peer pressure or to check off an item on their “Life Goals” box. Therefore, there are a few things to consider before you pop the question.

Are YOU Ready?

You’ve heard the whispers and catch the sideways glances at holiday dinners. Your parents lament you possibly dying alone, their lack of grandkids and routinely remind you that their peers’ children are all married. You’ve been seeing a great girl who drops not-so-subtle hints, discusses friends’ pending nuptials and asks for a definitive timeline for where this is going.

With so much pressure, it’s easy to make a hasty decision and jump into an engagement. But, the most important factor has been overlooked: are you ready to be married?

Stated plainly, if you aren’t ready to tie the knot, your marriage is doomed to fail. Many people succumb to societal pressure and get hitched without thinking through the seriousness of marriage. Many marry before they’ve gotten a chance to discover who they really are and what they want out of life. You may think you know everything about life and yourself in your early 20’s; but, there are a lot of changes in store as you age that will fill in the sketch of the person you truly are. So think long and hard about who you are and what you want out of life before adding another person to your journey.

What Does Marriage Mean To You?

If you think you’ve met the one you want to share a life with, consider all of the things that come along with marriage. Write down what marriage means to you and what you want out of it. Ask your significant other to do the same and then exchange lists. Compare lists and after digesting each other’s point of view, sit down and talk honestly about what you’ve written so both parties fully understand what the expectations are. With open communication and a direction for the future, your marriage will have a better chance of succeeding. 

Fidelity Isn’t Just the Name of a Bank

Call me captain obvious, but cheating is so rampant that it must be discussed. One thing that many people can’t handle about marriage is the whole being faithful part. It seems that once they’ve “put a ring on it,” the walls start closing in. Before long, they’re seeking out a co-worker, escort, neighbor or old-flame to stroke their ego, amongst other things.

In addition to breaking a major vow, infidelity can have a devastating impact on your life (see: Tiger Woods) and your children’s if you have them. It’s obvious, but bears repeating: if you aren’t ready to stop trolling the bars/nightclubs/Starbucks/Internet for random hookups, marriage may not be for you (unless you meet someone who is OK with an open marriage arrangement). Since your chances of lucking into an alternative marriage are slimmer than Kelly Ripa, you shouldn’t waste another person’s time if you desire outside stimulation. It’s really crummy and juvenile; besides, it goes against the whole point of getting hitched in the first place.

Money, Money, Money, Money….

Finances are another major reason why most marriages fail. And it’s usually exacerbated when one person feels that they are carrying the financial burden.  In a just world, everyone would carry their fair share and things would work smoothly. However, life isn’t like that. An unstable economy means fluctuations in employment, so there’s a chance that one person may need to carry the other at some point during the marriage. If you feel the need to point out who covers the majority of the expenses in a relationship, marriage (or a relationship) may not be the best idea for you.

I’m not saying that you should blindly take care of someone. But, you should be considerate of situations and attempt to help them to become financially stable so they can contribute more to the relationship.

Forever?!

Thankfully life isn’t infinite; so, in the case of marriage, forever means until one of you dies (or a divorce). Seeing as how the forever part should be taken seriously, you should think about the ways a relationship can remain loving throughout the passage of time.

A loving couple must respect one another, regardless of their successes, failures and all points in between. Before getting down on one knee, think long and hard about your relationship. Does your relationship allow both persons the freedom to be themselves, without being belittled for their interests, experiences, or shortcomings? Can you share a life together and independent of one another without jealousy or resentment? Do both parties feel free to open up because it’s a trusting situation where they are loved, warts and all? Instead of trying to change each other, do you have the ability to share and find common ground in order to facilitate mutual growth? Do both parties have an equal say in all major decisions regarding the relationship? Are you sexually compatible? Do you share similar views on extended family, wanting/raising kids etc.?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are ready to share a life together.  These factors are important because they allow both parties to grow and retain their sense of individual identity, while remaining firmly invested in a committed relationship.

Marriage is not a fairy tale or the cure for what ails you, and it should not be entered into lightly. It takes hard work and understanding to make a marriage work.  If entered upon with a realistic understanding, the union will remain beautiful and evergreen in the face of bulging waistlines and receding hairlines.

If you are flexible and understand that one person may have to compensate for the other at times, you are ready to enter into a marriage, which is ultimately, a partnership. The roles could be reversed one day, and you wouldn’t want them to be complaining about helping you when the chips are down.